Running over my Driver’s License Test …

Today I had to take some time out to go for my car driving test at the Andheri R.T.O. A nice sunny day with the right amount of sunshine, which does not burn your skin nor one which can’t melt the coolness of the Mumbai winter. The R.T.O is just about 3 kms from my residence , so no problemo !

To step back a bit, I’ve been learning to drive a car for the past one month from a reputed Motor Training School in Andheri. I have a wonderful “Masterji” who trains me in a Maruti Esteem. Looking at the condition of the Esteem, I guess it was the first Esteem to roll out of the Maruti factory in India. I am sure in a few years time it will attain its vintage value. Inside nothing on the dashboard has any life, none of the meters or lights, except all those essential LEDs which must glow or blink to tell about the health of the car. The engine and the system however works smooth – no breakdowns – no knuckles shaking and no joints making any mechanical whines.

The “Masterji” could easily compete with the others in the “Great Indian Laughter Challenge” with his wise cracks especially when he responds to phone calls. He makes one completely relaxed. I think it’s a fine art he has refined over the last 15 years that he is doing this job with the same training school. A typical wise crack he has for me when I turn too less around corners is “Pukka Hai … After Bandra wala…. You are gonna see your name hit the headlines in the newspapers?” or when I try to squeeze the car in to a tight corner “This sir is not your bike – the car requires slightly more space than your bike does” and he says it in a very ingenious bambaiya accent he has.

I picked up the art of treating the accelator, clutch and the brake and the steering wheel as part of one coherent mechanical invention called the car in no time. However it was difficult for me to get out of my biking habits of speeding, shoving the bike in to small impossible passages. That took time !!

I found driving a car very comfortable – however too restrictive, the bike offers you all the freedom, the bike feels a part of you – you think where you want to go and your hands and feet move accordingly – unlike a car, it feels more like you moving your house with you and a turn is a real turn of the wheel. Steering a bike is more of an art, you speed towards a turn and then gently push your weight in the direction you want to turn, the bike obeys, slants in that direction and the turn happens !! and if you are at a right speed and the right slant of the bike, the turn can be really very thrilling to make your hair stand on end. That’s what I love about and will always love about bikes !!

Coming back to 4 wheels, finally today was judgment day. I would have to go to the R.T.O and take a driving test from one of the officers on duty. Apparently I was led to believe that the inspectors, officers, and seniors are all hand in glove with the training school, however things have changed after the unfortunate Bandra accident. Apparently these days people love to drive more on the sidewalks and over sleeping people rather than on the concrete road. The R.T.O. has taken it very seriously and now even senior R.T.O. officers supervise and oversee the tests.

To describe the R.T.O. office is easy. Think of the most dilapidated building you have seen in your life – this betters that. The place is just out of synch with anything called civilization. There is chaos and more chaos all over the place. I, for a moment thought I am in a circus. People randomly walking all over the place, touts moving around, once in a while an officer walks by you in a uniform, some with stars have people saluting them. It’s a funny place to be in. The test ground is just one very very dusty open ground with a lot of junked and old rotting cars lined up in some circle to define its boundaries. The other areas are lined up with the cars from the various motor training schools ready to take the test for the day.

I guess around 2500 people were present in the entire complex moving around aimlessly, and confused being led from one place to another by admin men from the various motor training schools they were graduating from. These men were the “managers” who would manage the entire circus right from the form submission, turning the pages for the officers to sign, negotiating a middle ground when an approval was not possible due to lack of some documents or personal indentity proof etc..

All kinds of people queued up for the test– mostly people you could see would be drivers for 3 or 4 wheelers. Some people like me – Rayban and Raymond guys. Some women, and the elite class of young women wearing loud colorful tight tops and low fit jeans with an exposed navel. From what I could see the people who were there to appear for the 3-wheeler test had a field day !

Our group of people like other sheep in the complex moved behind our training men from one place to other, blindly signing where they would put a cross on and standing where they would stop.

Finally after around 3 hours – the big moment came. We had to wait for 3 as the officer who would test us was in a presentation and running behind schedule. He came in – 3 stars and all and sat in a good car. All were neatly standing in a queue.

I was wondering how much time our group of 30 people would take to clear the test, when suddenly one of the managing guys walked down the queue whispering to each one of us “Just say your name and if he asks – say yes officer took the test”

Wow – so much for the heightened security and vigilance.

So my turn came, I took off my Ray-Ban and gave him a nice “Good Afternoon Sir” smile. He took one long look at my face, then an equally long look at my photo – for a moment I thought he would growl "hey your shirt is different" - Photo no-match - REJECTED !!

Fortunately, he kindly asked my name, scribbled something unruly in the name of a signture in one corner and that was it !!!

Then my masterji was asked by the owner of the training school – “take two three good guys and make the car move around the track to complete the formality.”

Hmm - that seemed logical. After all he atleast had the heart to complete all the formalities as required by the rules of the game. That he did not follow them in the right order was another story!

Masterji picked me up along with one other guy. Gave him the first round and it was a horror show, he left us all gasping for breath with his speedy turns and heavy foot on an accelerator. I think he missed atleast one 3 star official jay walking on the course. The masterji acted fast to hand over the wheel to me. I enjoyed the nice lovely drive for a couple of rounds, slow and nice – as perhaps a romantic couple would ride on their first date out. I am referring to the first few hours – not the last few ;)

The officer finally left and the owner announced to all us aspirants “Ok Go home – all passed with an A+”

That concluded my driving test at the R.T.O !!

Jai Hind !